Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Seeking Superman

I don't know what I expected... But, I never dreamed that I would find Superman.

As a child, I often looked for him. And when finding that the hero within my life was actually the villain, I suspected that Superman... was me. Shortly after, I figured that I was just a weak, insignificant citizen. But, I later realized that I was a bit off. Sure, I was a bit needy, but I was headstrong and steadfast. I was determined, though I often fell prey to villainous foes. 

Still, Superman never came for me. I soon believed that there was no such man. There was no such entity who would swoop in when I needed him most and save me from the destruction and chaos--the twisted, metal wreck which was my life.

It was my job to save myself. There was no "super" man. There was only me. And, that's how it would always be. 

But instead of saving myself, I decided to rescue everyone else. 

What a heady feeling to know you're needed--to feel relied upon--to feel essential. How tiring it is to always answer when you're called--to always go forth when you're needed--to stretch a helping hand beyond its natural reach. This is what Superman must feel like.


Eventually, my determination subsided.
I was only human.
My will to endure waned. 

I never dreamed that I would search for Superman only to find that he did not exist--or, rather, he did exist in minuscule doses, living vicariously through liars and villains with welcoming smiles and trusting faces. 

For my own sake, I changed tactics... I found Spider-man, but realized that I could not be his Mary Jane. 
Batman arrived. And, I was smitten. Sadly, he was not.
Either way, we didn't mesh. It was like... I belonged to an entirely different universe

As of late, I've come across someone else. He has his flaws, but--there is something about him that I cannot shake. I know that he's no superhero and that he could never be. But, I don't care... He fits me.

All this time, I've been chasing an idea--seeking Superman, only to find... Clark.

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