War Inside

     I get a bit despondent when I'm in the city. There, I work for food and board, and I live in an apartment complex which is huddled between other massive complexes--each one the same tone of pallid viridian and terra cotta.
     Each morning, I roll out of bed and open the curtains. My weary eyes, soon filled with light, flutter around sprightly; and my cool skin delightfully absorbs the brilliant light of the morning sun. Then once those few moments have ended and the sun has disappeared behind a rather large cluster of towering pines, I stare down into the scarcely occupied car lot below and sigh... Then, I retire to the bathroom, wash my face, and prepare for "work."
     Work is work, I should say, but it's not what I expected to be doing after graduating from a 4-year institute, Magna Cum Laude--0.1 point shy of achieving the highest academic honors at graduation.
     The low hum of cars whizzing along the road just a few yards away slowly drives me mad... And, I often find myself longing to go home--not to my apartment complex in the city but to my childhood home, complete with wide-open pastures filled with jade green grass, and scarcely traveled country roads which are paved with loosely knitted, washed-out gravel. But when I do get the chance to return home to the country, I slowly begin to realize why I left in the first place...

Seeking Something...

-Jen

Random Little Fact...

     I don't really like to talk much, though there are some people who can pull an exhilarating conversation out of me from time to time. There's a certain sense of peace I feel when I keep to myself. And innately, I'm an introvert. However, I do get a slight thrill when pushed out of my comfort zone for a short time. 
     Usually if I want to say something bold, I write it down... I know, right? Defeats the purpose of wanting to say it. But trust me, I'm doing everyone a favor by writing it down. 

Nostalgia

     As a child, I often fantasized of one day living in the city. Being a farmer's daughter and an obvious lover of trees and foliage, somehow the allure of streetlights as radiant as the sun itself captivated me. 
     Some lazy summer nights, after weeks of spending my summer vacation at home, my parents would randomly pack up our bags, load them into the car, and we'd leave our sleepy little hometown behind in the collapsing darkness of night... And to my extreme delight, after hours of sleeping in the backseat, I'd wake up and see in the distance the soft glow of hazy, orange light streaking across the dark heavens of the early-morning sky... 
     The sight of the city elated me then. But now, as a young woman, I long for wide-open, green pastures. My heart aches when remembering the stagnant scent of sweltering pine lingering in the nearly non-existent, sultry wind.
     Now that I'm living my fantasy--now that every night I get to see the brilliant light of the sun trickle down beneath the neon skyline, I've scarcely come to realize that maybe my fantasy was meant to be just that... and not a permanent destination.

Wistfully,

Jen

It has been a While...

Dear diary,

    It has been a while since i had last written to you, but maybe I 'm the only one who has been missing our cathartic sessions.
     

Looking forward to writing you soon,

Jen